Category: Conversations

A series of short fictitious conversations between the Fictitious ‘ME’ and the Fictitious ‘SHE’, filled with gentle humor.

Conversations – Strangers in the cafe

Conversations, Romantic

(Written as a part of writing exercise)
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Two strangers – HER and HIM. Walk into a busy cafe. They end up sharing the same table , because the rest are occupied.

She is working on her laptop, while on a call. He is listening to something on his phone.

After a while..
She shuts down her laptop and then sips the coffee. He is busy on his phone.

She looks at him and he looks at her, they exchange courteous smiles. And just when he is about to return to his phone-

HER – Was I too loud?

He throws a questioning look at her, removes the air pod from his left ear, leans a bit forward, towards her and-

HIM – I am sorry?
HER – (a little loud) No… I was reading aloud while working on the presentation. Was I a bit too loud?

HIM – Ah.! I don’t know about that. (smiles) But.. now.. you are being .. hmm.. quite loud.!

She turns self-conscious and returns to her coffee. He returns to his phone.
A brief moment of silence and –

HIM – Mind if I ask what was the presentation all about? The one that you were working on!
HER – Ah.. hmm…

HIM – Ah. Don’t worry. I can understand if it’s way too confidential. But if you cook up a story saying that, tomorrow you are meeting the CEO of HANSEL PRIME and the presentation was for that, I would reply with ‘oh. that’s nice’.
HER – (confused) but I don’t know any company by name ‘HANSEL PRIME’!

HIM – (smiles) Well. That’s how you cook up a story Ma’am. You start with cooking up a fancy name.

Laughs exchanged.

HER – Actually… It’s just a sales pitch.
HIM – Sales pitch of what?
HER – So we have this new product for restaurants. Nothing fancy. Just a vending machine to dispense starters.

HIM – Oh wow! I own a restaurant. I could use that.
HER – Oh wow!! Seriously??
HIM – (laughs) No. I just cooked that up!

She throws a complaining look, followed by a laugh.

HIM – So.. on the scale of 1-10 how good are you at selling stuff?
HER – Well! I don’t ‘sell-sell’ stuff. I only prepare the presentations and pass them on to the sales team.
HIM – Ah! You should have just stuck to my HANSEL PRIME story. That was far more interesting! At least you were meeting the CEO in there!

He laughs.

HER – (complains) That was rude!
HIM – Ah was it? (thinks for a while) Or maybe it was! (smile) So.. tell me. How can I make it up to you?

HER – I don’t know. You tell me!
HIM – How about you pay for my coffee?
HER – Why should I pay for your coffee!
HIM – Well.. you don’t have to ‘pay-pay’! I will pass on an orange-colored currency to you and you can pass it on to the waiter!

HER – (laughs) You are continuing to be mean!
HIM – Well. At least I am making you laugh! Unlike your presentation that made you look grumpy!
HER – I am not grumpy!
HIM – Good! Then try not to look grumpy!

Silence.

HER – Actually yes.! I am a little grumpy! But that’s only because there’s so much chaos around. At the office, at work.. (looks around) in the coffee shop here! I just want to… I don’t know… slip into something silent and enjoy the silence. Maybe then I would look a lot less grumpy!

They sip coffee in silence, drowned in the chaos of the cafe.

HER – So.. What do you do?
HIM – Well. Had we met a week ago, I would have said – ‘It’s been a week since I started working on my maiden movie as a music director’.

She grows a little concerned.

HER – Oh! What happened now? Did it get shelved?

HIM – Ah no! Now I would say – ‘It’s been two weeks since I started working on my maiden movie as a music director!’

He smiles. She displays sweet anger.

HER – Is this how you usually talk?
HIM – Ah no! It’s just today! Next week, Tuesday 6:30 PM, when we meet at Roulette Park for beer, I will be far more polite and sweet!

She looks taken aback.

HER – (perplexed) What!! Why would I meet you again? That too for a beer? And that too on a working day?

HIM – Well! Because I will be far more polite and sweet! That’s why!

HER – Well… I am not buying that!
HIM – Well, You are the one who is good at helping in selling stuff! Help me in selling you my invite!

He smiles.

HER – Hmm… You can start with… working on your sense of humor!
HIM – Why? Am I not funny enough?

She puts up a feeble smile.

HER – You are! And that’s the problem.
HIM – So you don’t like to laugh?
HER – Well… I don’t like that fact that in the past three weeks, you are the only person who has managed to make me laugh!

Now he turns self-conscious. He picks up his coffee mug and sips the coffee – rather uncomfortably.

HIM – Ok… You wanna talk about something else?
HER – Something else? Like.. what?
HIM – I don’t know. Anything! Ennio Morricone, World politics, Arctic ice sheets, sea seals, or the fact that my coffee got over a while ago. Yet I am pretending to be drinking it and that’s only because you have made me self aware.

She laughs. He smiles -rather sheepishly.

HER – So.. you tell me, now how can I make it up to you?
HIM – I don’t know. Hmm… Oh hey… Why don’t you listen to this song that I have composed for the movie!
HER – And what if I don’t like it!
HIM – You could just lie that ‘you loved it’! And I will buy that.

She laughs -mildly, and then pulls out her headphones. He connects it to his phone and then presses on the ‘play’ button.

Forty seconds later…
She frowns in confusion.

HER – There’s nothing in here. It’s just silence.
HIM – Something you were looking for.. since long! And you look a lot less grumpy now.

She looks at him for a while, closes her eyes and presses on the play button.After a couple of seconds, she begins to smile.
We begin to pull away -slowly. The chaos of the cafe dies down -slowly.

-CHAN

The first conversation between a ME and a SHE

Conversations, Romantic, Story

ME – That’s a nice book.?

SHE had buried her face in a fat novel. We were in a flight, SHE was my co-passenger and that was how I chose to kindle our first ever conversation.

SHE – (smiles) I Know.


She adjusted her large round glasses before returning to her novel. She hadn’t answered my question and I had to bother her again.

ME – Oh no.. That was a question..!
SHE – (acting surprised) Ah.. Was it?
ME – Yeah. See. that’s the thing..
SHE – (confused smile) That’s the thing about what?

ME – About spoken English..! It’s different from novel reading. You need to master the art of picking question marks and punctuations..! I asked ” That’s a nice book?” and you thought it was a compliment.

SHE – Ah.. ! All this while I thought mastering the art of basic grammar helps. For instance, had you asked ‘ Is that a nice book?’, it would’ve made both our lives a lot easier.

Was she being sarcastic? I grew confused and forced a smile. I returned to my silence and she returned to her book. After a while..

ME – Is that why you read novels, to learn the grammar?

SHE looked at me and this time the smile had grown fainter.

SHE – Na.. I read novels to kill time. But right now, I don’t think there’s any such need. Because you are anyway killing my time and mood..

Awkward silence. She was about to resume reading.

ME – (confused) Did you mean it in a good way or bad?
SHE – (sarcastic smile) Ah.. I am sorry. That was me offering compliments.

Silence…

ME – See that’s the problem with mastering the art of grammar. People with poor grammar, the ones like me, can’t sense the mood and understand the meaning..
SHE – Ah..! Perhaps paying attention to the tone and expression of the person would help.

My smile dropped, mind grew numb and repartee went dry. She turned the other way and to the next page of the fat fiction. Or maybe it was a non-fiction.

ME – You are irritated..
SHE – (irked) I am sorry.. Was that a question?
ME – Ah.! No.. Your crash course on grammar has helped. I said ‘You are irritated’ and that was a statement.
SHE – Good.!
ME – What’s good? Me learning the grammar real quick or you looking irritated?
SHE – The fact that you could finally sense that I am getting irritated, is good.

Both of us looked at each other for a while. Odd silence.
The airhostess arrived at our seats with the drinks cart. I grabbed a beer and she an orange juice.

ME – cheers

SHE took a real deep breath and put up a straight face.

SHE – You do know that you have been irritating me, right?
ME – ( stutters) Yeah I guess.!
SHE – And you still continuing to do it, you know what is it called?

I began to think for a while and when nothing crossed my mind…

ME – I don’t know.!
SHE – This is stupid.!!

I returned to silence for a moment and then..

ME – (sighs) Man.! Thank god.! I thought you would mistake it for indecency. You know what, you are not only good at grammar but also good at reading faces.!
SHE – So does that mean you are stupid?
ME – Stupidity is a very subjective thing.
SHE – (irked) Care explaining how?

ME – Do you know that light shifts its path when it travels from one medium to another?
SHE – Yeah I had chapters on ‘refraction of light’ during my primary schooling..
ME – Yeah.. and you do know that light travels at 3Lakh km/sec
SHE – In Vacuum yes. but in air it’s a little less..
ME – Good.! Now see, the person behind us who is overhearing our conversation would think that you are a science genius..

SHE quickly turned back and the passenger behind us panicked. He smiled uncomfortably and rushed to the lavatory. She looked at me and laughed Mildly. I shrugged my shoulders and continued.

ME – But you thinking that I am stupid and yet discussing the high school physics with me. Now I would see that as stupidity.!

Her smile disappeared, but then it returned, rather quick and with far greater intensity. She burst into laughter.

SHE – That was offensive, you should know that.!
ME – Well, I do. But the fact that you are laughing, your right shoulder favouring me now and you no longer crossing your legs, tells me that you are interested in furthering this conversation.

She grew conscious, shrunk her smile and crossed her legs again.

SHE – So you think your poor sense of humor piqued my interest?
ME – (winks) Na.! I think it was the high school physics!
SHE – (smiles) And what else could you decipher about me?

ME – The one common between you and your book.
SHE – (confused)That both of us are fat?

I thought for a while.

ME – Okay. Now I know two common things about you both. One, that you are fat. Tell me the other.
SHE – (laughs) That was offensive again. But anyway.. I’ve no clue.. You tell me.
ME – The names.. I don’t know both your names..!

She laughed like she hadn’t in years and then held the book towards me. The title read ‘Chicko – The street boy’.

ME – That’s a nice name. And what’s the name of the book?

She laughed again, but I chose not to. That was the thumb rule – Don’t laugh at our own jokes.

ME – Ah.! That’s the name of the book.! So what is yours? Would I find it on the first page of the book?
SHE – Why would my name be on the first page of the book?
ME – (curious) So is it there in the last one?
SHE – (laughs) Nooo..! Why would it be there?
ME – I don’t know.! People with large round glasses have this habit of writing ‘THIS BOOK BELONGS TO’ and their name, with a dirty looking signature.
SHE – (laughs) Sorry to disappoint you. But I haven’t picked the bad habit.

ME – (winks) Ah.! I can help you pick habits.!
SHE – That was kind.! But no thanks.!

ME – Lady.! What should I do to know your name?
SHE – May be wait.!
ME – And for how long?
SHE – May be until we cross paths again.
ME – That we would.!
SHE – Was that a prophecy.?
ME – Na. That was me praying! ( laughs mildly) And your grammar wouldn’t help you understand that.!

We smiled and took a sip from our respective drinks can.

ME – So if I decide to write about you, what should I be calling you in the story?
SHE – You could call me ‘SHE’
ME – SHE is beautiful.!

We both smiled.

SHE – And what should I be calling you?
ME – The first adjective that came to your mind, when I first spoke to you.!

Silence…. and then she smiled.

SHE – That was Stupid..!

-Chan

Withdrawal Syndrome – A conversation

Conversations, Romantic, Story
Author’s Note: ‘Conversations’ is a series of fictional short stories comprising of conversations between the fictional ‘ME’ and a fictional ‘SHE’

SHE – Who drinks coffee at 1 in the afternoon?
ME – (grins) Well, if you walk into that coffee shop with me, you would know.!
SHE – Wow.! Instead, why don’t we walk into that FINE-DINE across the road and find out who on the freaking earth would have lunch at 1 in the afternoon..!

Was she irritated? I grew confused and kept quiet for a moment.

ME – Okay.! Tell me one thing. On a scale of 1-10, how hungry are you?
SHE – Well, I don’t know about hungry.! (pause) But if you ask me how angry I am on the scale of 1-10, I would say that the scale is about to snap now.

She was certainly irritated.

ME – Did you have coffee in the morning?
SHE – No.. I didn’t..
ME – See.. there you go..!
SHE – What?
ME – The withdrawal syndrome!
SHE – (confused) Eh?
ME – You consumed zero caffeine today.! And you have already begun to show the withdrawal syndrome..!
SHE – Look! I don’t even know if that was an attempt at humor. But I am real hungry now..!
ME – There you go.! Symptom number one – Increased Hunger
SHE – (restraining anger) Do you even realize that you are seconds away from getting yelled at?
ME – And that would be the second symptom. Irritability coupled with anger.!

I grinned, but she didn’t. My laugh died a silent death.
She stared at me for a while and began to walk away. She entered the restaurant and I followed her into it. She sat down and I picked up the menu.

ME – (surfing through the menu) Okay listen.! You want to start with some soup?
SHE – Yes..! Let us..!
ME – (confused) But they don’t have soup in here.!
SHE – (shouts) Then for god’s sake, order something that they have in here..!

The entire restaurant fell silent for a moment. I fought awkward glances from everyone in there.

ME – This has gone out of my hands.!
SHE – What?
ME – First it was caffeine withdrawal syndrome. And now you are showing ‘Soup withdrawal syndrome’.!

She didn’t respond, not with words. She grabbed the menu card from my hands and quickly glanced through the items.
Waiter arrived at our table.

SHE – Give me number 4 in the starter and number 7 in the main course. And make it spicy.!

She passed on the menu to me. I snubbed the menu card and placed my order.

ME – (to the waiter) Listen. Give me number ten in the starter and number nine in the main course.!
WAITER – (confused) But there’s no ten in the starter.!
ME – What? No ten? You got a nine in there?
WAITER – We got only eight items in the starters sir..!
ME – What’s the eighth?
WAITER – Lava chicken sir..

I think for a while.

ME – Why don’t you do one thing. Prepare Lava chicken and make it extra spicy. Make it your tenth item in the menu, name it ‘volcanic chicken’ and bring it to my table.

I grinned at the waiter and he threw an unhappy smile at me, before exiting into the kitchen. And we dived deep into 2 minutes of silence.

SHE – Okay listen.! I am sorry.! The hunger got on my nerves.! And the mood swings thanks to the cycle of my month..
ME – That’s okay.! (smiles) Thank god I stayed calm..!
SHE – (smiles) Else?
ME – Else, I would have missed an opportunity of having starter number ten, main course number nine with the lady number one.

She smiled, gently. And then, Silence…

ME – And wow.! Look at us.! I was a lunch boy and you were a coffee girl.! But today we have opposite cravings..!
SHE – (smiles) Well.. Things gotta change right?
ME – Yes..! Like the coffee that they served in your favorite coffee place.
SHE – What about it?
ME – Earlier it was a bad coffee place..
SHE – (laughs gently) And you like it now..?
ME – Na.! Now they have gone worse.! But things not good for you, that’s what we get addicted to..!

Gentle laughs exchanged. Soft Jazz in the restaurant, continues to play. Soft Jazz in the restaurant, continues to play.

SHE – (smiles) You have changed.! A lot.!
ME – How about my sense of humor? Still intact..?
SHE – It”s like my favorite coffee place. It has gone from bad to worse (laughs)
ME – Ah.! Beware.! You might pick addiction.!

We both laugh gently, yet again. Followed by, awkward silence..

ME – Anyway.. As you said, things gotta change and so should people. We are meeting after a year and I sincerely hope that I am coming across as a better person and not a different one

She didn’t speak. Me neither. Waiter arrived at our table with the orders. We slowly began to munch the starters.

SHE – What was running in your mind, when you asked us stay away from each from each other other for a year??
ME – You know I am weird, don’t you?

SHE smiled softly.

ME – Hmm… you know when you start watching movies, reading stories, you sort of begin to imagine the ‘would be happy moments’ – Scripted beautifully, executed to perfection.

I grabbed a tissue, wiped my mouth and continued.

ME – I thought an year of staying away, would induce longings and when we finally meet, it would be one of the happiest moments in our lives
SHE – (poignant smile) Did that work?
ME – You tell me..!
SHE – Well… I don’t know.! This is strange. It’s completely awkward (pause) It’s like I know you, but I don’t. And it’s this strange confusion.! If all the memories that we had together, was it real or was it figment of imagination? or a beautiful dream that I had as a kid that’s appearing blurred now?

Poignant silence…

ME – Tell me one thing?
SHE – What?
ME – Am I coming across as a stranger?

silence..

SHE – May be… yes.. (pause) I mean, I can still see the weird you.! But I think it’s me.! I think I’ve changed as a person
ME – So you no longer interested in trivial talks? weird conversations and poor humor?
SHE – I don’t know..
ME – Well.. I know..
SHE – What?
ME – It’s the withdrawal syndrome..
SHE – From coffee?
ME – From ME..

Silence..

ME – Well… I guess, you are right.! We are strangers….

I get up and made an exit from the restaurant, leaving her in pensive silence.
*****************************************************************************
After ten minutes….

ME – Are you expecting someone?

I walked into the restaurant and pointed at the chair across her table. SHE frowned in confusion, and then smiled gently.

ME – Ah. I am here in the town after an year. The town has changed, a lot. Afraid that I would be lost, I was looking for a person to have a lunch conversation with. Would you mind?

She smiled gently.

ME – I shall take that as a yes…

The waiter arrived with the bill.

ME – So lady, what will you have?
SHE – I had my lunch. I could stay until you finish yours..
ME – Oh.. Then how about some bad coffee?

Without waiting for her response, I turned to the waiter.

ME – Get us two cups of bad coffee
WAITER – Sir.. but we have only latte, espresso, cappuccino, Macchiato..
ME – Well.. Any of these would anyway make a great bad coffee.. Get us two cups..
WAITER leaves in confusion.

ME – (smiles) So..Let me start with the formal question. What do you do for living?

She held her silence, before she spoke.

SHE – Listen… I know you are trying hard. I want to smile, I want to talk to you. And as much I think about it, its making me increasingly uncomfortable and filling me with awkward feelings.. And I am certain that we can never get to being the old us..!

There was a strange sense of pain. I looked at her for a while and smiled. The jazz playlist continued to play.

ME – May be you are right.. We can never get to being the old ‘us’.. That might spoil all our beautiful memories, the happy pictures that we have in our mind (Pause) But we could try being the new ‘us’…


SHE – And what is the new ‘us’..?


ME – Two strangers.. who’ve met for the first time.. Have a long memorable weird, funny conversation. And while they converse, they also know that this would be their last ever meeting..

I smiled. There was a long silence, before the waiter arrived at our table with the orders. We picked the coffee cups and took our first sips.

SHE – So..Let me start with the formal question. What do you do for living?


                                                                                                                                                       -Chan

Leave Me Alone – A conversation

Conversations, Story

ME – So tell me exactly.. What happened?
SHE – It fell into the pool from the first floor .
ME – I thought cats knew how to swim..
SHE – The pool was dry.. it hit the floor..
ME – (laughs) that’s a funny way to die..

SHE glared at me, through her sadness. I stopped laughing and blurted out.

ME – I mean..I am sorry for its death. I do…
SHE – That’s okay..!
ME – So are you okay now?

SHE continued to look sad.

ME – What does the silence mean? That you are not okay?
SHE – The silence means that I want to spend sometime in silence..
ME – (confused) Oh..! Does silence help?
SHE – I don’t know. I will only know if you stop asking me questions and let me be by myself. So, please .. could I get a moment alone?
ME – Yeah. You could. But when do u want it?
SHE – (irked) Now..!

Awkward silence.

ME – I mean.. I am confused now.. Does it mean that I should leave or would you be leaving?

She looked at me for a while, got up and began to walk away. I quickly ran behind her.

ME – Listen..
SHE – (turns around) What?
ME – Why would the cat jump into a water less pool?

SHE was visibly annoyed.

ME – See.. I was trying to understand.. Did it really think that there was water in the pool or did it accidentally slip and fall?
SHE – Na.. It had a rivalry with the cat next door. So that cat plotted a murder, pushed mine from the first floor and made it appear like a suicide.!

Awkward silence and then I break into loud laugh.

ME – You are joking right?
SHE – (restraining) What do you want?

My laugh died…

ME – I want you to smile..
SHE – I shall… I need sometime..

She began to walk away. I began to follow her. She stops, turns around.

SHE – I asked you not to follow me..
ME – (confused).. No you didn’t say that.. You just told me that you want to spend sometime in silence.. So I was following you silently..

She glared at me for a while..

SHE – Okay.. Stop following me, stop talking to me and Leave me alone..
ME – Come on.. You can’t keep adding rules..
SHE – See.. I understand that you want to see me smile.. I shall, eventually. But for now, it’s important for me to be sad for something dear that I have lost..
ME – Why is it so important? I didn’t cry for my dog when it died..
SHE – I never knew that you had a dog..
ME – Apparently we had one, when I was a kid, 4 year old. Car ran over it. But more importantly I didn’t cry..
SHE – You were a kid! Why would you cry?
ME – Well.. I had cried when I had lost my mickey mouse eraser

She looked at me for a while.

SHE – You cried over a lost eraser but not over a dead dog. Wow..! What does that tell about you?

I think for a while..

ME – I don’t know. That’s a difficult question. Don’t confuse me now. You just tell me what should I do to make you smile?
SHE – Leave me alone..
ME – I don’t think that would make you smile..

She began to walk away.

ME – Hey.. I figured out the answer..!
SHE – For what?
ME – I cried over a lot eraser but not over a dead dog. I know what it tells about me…
SHE – What?

ME – That I was a Stupid kid… and that..hmm… being stupid helps.. See I know that your cat had..
SHE – Stop calling it a cat.! It had a name..
ME – And what was it? Cat Winslet?
SHE – No. it was a male. Winnie..
ME – Winnie is a nice name. But anyway.. See.. when Winnie was alive, it made you smile right.? Now that it’s gone, you think that being sad is a way to pay respects. But I feel that Winslet..
SHE – Winnie..

ME – Yeah sorry.. I feel that Winnie would be so offended to see you forcing yourself to be sad. Winnie would be like – “come on girl. I died, you cried and I smiled. But now don’t stretch it too far. Get over it. Stop overacting”

Silence..

SHE – Was that a joke?
ME – No.. It was a beautiful philosophy. But I can come up with a joke – What would you call a cat which serves ice cream?
SHE – Sorry.. I am in no mood to listen to jokes…
ME – It’s a puzzle for god’s sake.. I will leave you alone if you answer it..

She continues to walk, briskly towards her car.

ME – Moreover the puzzle has a cat in it.. Please.. You got to respect cats.

SHE stops, looks at me.

SHE – All rite.. You are going to leave me alone if I get the answer right.

I nod and she begins to think…

SHE – cat-all-ice-is? as in catalysis..

ME – Well.. This sounds like a better answer than the one that I had in mind..
SHE – And what did you have in mind?

I smiled at her and walked towards her car. She followed me.

ME – Well.. A cat which serves ice cream is called… ( I opened the car door)…A gift that would make you smile..

I kept looking at her, with a hope that my SURPRISE GIFT would make her smile.
Her expression changed for sure. But wait.! She isn’t smiling. What’s wrong..!

I looked inside the car – The ice cream splattered all over the seat and her beautiful cushioned seat torn apart. It wasn’t a pleasant sight.
The only thing that was intact was the bow on the kitten’s head with a tiny label which read- “CAT WINSLET”.

ME – (nervous smile) I think you are right. I should leave you alone… That always helps.

And I sped away….!

 

The Wedding Gift – A conversation

Conversations, Romantic, Story

SHE – But what’s wrong with gifting an AC?

ME – Look, all that an AC does is sucking the interior temperature and pushing it outside! Implication? The outside temperature continues to grow! That’s global warming!

SHE – Yeah.! I know the science!

ME – But knowing science is not enough. You would continue to use AC because the globe is warming and the warming continues.. Look.. Any Invention should, if possible, eliminate its need and not strengthen its necessity!

SHE – But I didn’t invent an AC! Willis Carrier did!

ME – Yeah.! But you are strengthening its necessity!

Silence…

SHE – So what should we gift them? A ceiling fan?

ME – That won’t help the humidity!

SHE – But this is hill station! It’s never humid here!

ME – But what if after a year, they move to a coastal place? That would be humid!

SHE – That’s a maybe case! And maybe they have better things to pack and move than a ceiling fan!

Silence..

ME – Let’s not gift them a ceiling fan!

SHE – Okay.! But you wanted to gift them something that would help them in the summer! You don’t want to gift an air cooler because it takes in water and in summer there might be water crisis! No to an AC because it would strengthen its necessity! Ceiling fan would not help in humidity! What’s left? Ice packs?

Silence followed by an exchange of mild laughter….

SHE – Let’s stick to my first plan! Let’s go for a bouquet and a gift voucher!

ME – That would be a fall back option, if we can’t decide on anything!

SHE- We better decide now! Once we cross the city, there are no shops near the resort to buy any gifts!

Silence… As I begin to think..

ME – Let us go-to a nursery!

SHE – Nursery? To gift an admission to their future kid, kids?

ME – No.! The plant nursery!

SHE – You planning to gift them..

ME – (interrupts) Yes.! You guessed it right! Planning to gift them seeds.! (Pause) and a pot! They can sow the seeds in the pot!

SHE – But I thought you would say plants, at least!

Awkward silence..!

ME – That’s not a bad idea! We could gift them the plants!

SHE – Seriously! You want to walk into a wedding hall holding a flower plant!

ME – I had mango plant in mind! You know, with mangoes in them!

SHE – Seriously? Mango plant with mangoes in it? That’s called a mango tree! And I am not carrying a mango tree into the wedding hall

ME – Why not?

SHE – Two reasons! One, I don’t want to carry a mango tree into a wedding hall. Two, I can’t carry a mango tree! Not into a wedding hall, not into a restaurant! I can’t carry it anywhere, because I am not a superwoman!

She was right. How can I gift them a mango tree, if I can’t carry it.?

Silence…

SHE – Unless…

ME – Unless..?

SHE – Unless it’s a Bonsai..

Bonsai is not a bad idea, I felt!

ME – That’s exactly, what I had in mind! Bonsai, that’s the word and the gift that I was looking for!

*************************************************************************************

After buying the bonsai tree..

SHE – But you were so adamant about gifting them something that would help them beat heat!

ME – And who does it better than plants? The bonsai mango tree will live in their room, suck all the CO2, and give out oxygen! That would be cool!  You know what; I should name this – The Mangold Star AC.!

SHE – ha ha… Like the Goldstar AC? That’s lame!

ME – May be its lame, but it’s still cool..! (Pause) And oh! Wait! Whenever the girl feels like having a mango, she need not climb the tree or pelt stones! Because it’s a bonsai tree and the fruit will be at hand’s reach!

SHE – And when the tree has no mangoes left?

ME – She can buy them from the market!

Laughs..

**********************************************************

After arriving at the resort..

ME – What happened?

SHE – The receptionist is telling that they have only two rooms left and only one of them has AC.!

ME – And what did you say?

SHE – I told her that she is wrong!

ME – What?

SHE – Yes! They have two air conditioned rooms!

ME – Okay! Then we don’t have a problem right! Everything is sorted!

SHE – Yes! I shall be taking the one with the Bluestar AC and you will be taking the one with the Mangold Star AC..!

A moment of silence..

ME – That would be cool! (Laughs)

-CHAN

To read other episodes of Conversations, click here. You could leave your feedback in the comment section below or write to me at passionophoria@gmail.com

To Dance or not to Dance – A Conversation

Conversations, Romantic, Story

SHE- But, I have never danced before!

ME – Liar! Everyone would have! At least in their kindergarten days, you know during the annual day functions! Or At least in the bathroom!

SHE – But that’s different!

ME – So, I am right!

SHE – Right about what?

ME – About you dancing in the bathroom! That’s weird you know! Because, I only sing!

Laughs exchanged…

ME – Anyway! Imagine that this is going to be your last night before you die!

SHE – Who is going to kill me? You?

ME – I can! (Pause) I mean, I have the ability to!

SHE – Ah! Do you?

ME – Yes! I can choke you to death! Or may be stab you with the butter knife!

SHE – Butter knife is blunt! It can’t kill me!

ME – Ah! I don’t believe your word! Let me give a try!

I looked at the butter knife, picked it up and tried stabbing her!

A moment of Laughter….

SHE – See… I told you! Butter knives can’t kill me! (Laughs)

ME – Okay! Forget butter knife! But there could be earthquake, the pub roof might collapse! Some female might try using her deodorant! Since the deodorant is inflammable, the candle in the corner table might explode! The pub might catch fire! We might get roasted like chicken!

She cringes….

ME – Okay! That’s horrible death! Let’s imagine something that is less horrible!  Oh! What if you swallow the chicken bone and choke to death!

SHE – Both of us know that it’s never going to happen! I don’t eat chicken!

Silence!

ME – Or a potato! If you swallow it whole, even a potato can choke you to death! (Pause) Or maybe you step out of the pub; some drunk female runs you over on her scooter!

SHE – This is disappointing, I thought you would save me!

She puts up a sad face! Laughs exchanged..

ME – Anyways! My point is! Think that you are going to die this night! And that you will never be able to dance after this! So it’s now or never!

SHE – If it’s going to be my last night before I die, I have better things to do! I have a long bucket list!

ME – How long!

SHE – 53 items!

ME – 53? What weird wishes do you have in there? Things like Jumping into the volcano!

Silence..

SHE – Now I have 54th entry in the list!

ME – What? You want to jump into the volcano! Seriously?

SHE – No! I would want to stand on the top of the volcanic mountain, stare down at the lava and photograph it!

ME – Or you might as well swallow the potato and choke to death!

Laughs exchanged…

ME – But seriously… why don’t you dance! Look around! So many people on the floor, dancing!

SHE – Yeah! But I can’t dance! I don’t know to dance!

ME – Come on! You just need to move your feet or may be sway a little! No one’s expecting you to do dance like Hrithik!

SHE – Yeah! But moving the feet or swaying the body, for that I need to feel the rhythm!  I am bad at rhythms!

ME – Okay! Look at it this way! We have been sitting here, sipping onto our drinks for so long! Among that dancing lot, there are bad dancers as well as good ones! Do you remember any of their faces?

She thinks for a while and nods a no.

ME – There you go! You had better things to do than nit-picking! Same case with others! Those who are dancing are too busy with their dance! Those who are not dancing are either waiting to hit the floor or might be way too nervous! Just like you!

A moment of silence…

ME – Look! The bottom line is, this is not some stage program and the spotlight is not on you! Everyone has better things to do than watch you dance! So hold my hands and join me in the dance

She appears hesitant…

ME – Okay! Let’s try this! I shall go there, dancing alone for a minute or two! Like real bad dance! Ugly and weird! That way you might get inspired!

SHE – Inspired to do what? Dance badly?

ME – Dance decently! Or may be badly! Look I have already told you, no one’s going to remember your face! Give me a moment!

I got up and slowly joined the dancing crowd. I began to move my feet, then the torso and after a few seconds, the head!

The DJ moved onto the next track! I closed my eyes and began to shake my hands and legs wildly! The track continued for a minute or two and when the DJ changed the track, I opened my eyes to walk up to her and drag her into the dance.

And when I opened my eyes, I found myself in the middle of the crowd who had stopped dancing and were staring at me! Ugly stares!

I quickly walked up to her.

ME – I think we need to leave! People are laughing at me!

SHE – Come on! It’s okay!

ME – I danced real bad, didn’t I?

SHE – Yep!

ME – How bad?

SHE – Bad enough to inspire me!

And she dragged me into the dance floor. She started moving her feet, the torso and then the head!

-CHAN

To read other episodes of Conversations, click here. You could leave your feedback in the comment section below or write to me at passionophoria@gmail.com

Walk under the rain – A Conversation

Conversations, Romantic, Story

SHE – I don’t think it’s a good idea!

ME – Come on! It doesn’t rain every other day!

SHE – Yeah! But walking in the rain? Who does that!

ME – Everyone does that!

SHE – Everyone with an umbrella!

ME – And raincoat!

SHE – Okay! But we neither have raincoat nor an umbrella!

ME – That’s exactly what I was talking about! Walking in the rain without an umbrella or raincoat! Getting completely drenched!

SHE – And why exactly do you think we should be doing that?

ME – So you think it’s not an exciting idea?

SHE – “Bad idea”, is the precise way of describing it!

A moment of silence!

ME – Okay girl! Tell me! Have you ever done bungee jumping?

SHE – No!

ME – See! That’s my point! You have never done a bungee jump because you “think” that you are scared of heights!

SHE – Wrong! I have never done a bungee jumping because I have never been to a place which has one.

A moment of silence!

ME – I should probably use some other example! Okay! Tell me one thing that you don’t like!

SHE – Walking under the rain without an umbrella or raincoat!

ME – Ah! Come on! Give me another!

SHE – You want another? That would be you trying to convince me to walk under the rain!

Silence….

ME – Ok! Look at it this way! You think that you don’t like walking under the rain! But how will you know if you don’t give it a try! Give it and a try and then arrive at conclusion!

SHE – last week, after the movie! I hope you remember how we ran from the theatre to the parking lot and I slipped real bad.

ME – But you didn’t fall down!

SHE – But I fell ill!

ME – Yeah! But you didn’t fall “down”!

SHE – I could have fallen! Had I fallen, I would have broken my knee!

ME – Look! When you slip, you fall on your back! There’s no way that your knee will get hurt!

SHE – So, you saying that you are okay with me breaking my back?

Silence….

ME – Look, that was Sprint! But this! This would be walking. A real slow walk!

SHE – Oh! Come on! That’s illogical? How different are they? Moreover I don’t want people to laugh at us, while we walk slowly under the rain!

ME – How is that illogical! And are saying that Usain bolt and Matej Toth are no different from each other?

SHE – Who is Matej Toth?

ME – He won gold in 20km walk! The Rio Olympics!

SHE – I didn’t know that!

ME – Exactly! See everyone knows Usain Bolt, but not Matej Toth! Bottom line- If you run people would notice, but if you walk, people would not! So there is no question of people laughing at us!

Silence…

SHE – I am not coming! Let’s end this conversation!

ME – Okay! How about this? I will walk under the rain? And you could use an umbrella and walk along!

SHE – Yeah! But we don’t have an umbrella!

I proceeded to make an exit.

SHE – Where are you going?

ME – Give me 5 minutes lady and you would know!

*******************************************************************************

After an hour…

SHE – It’s been an hour! Where are you? Where did you go?

ME – I had come out to buy an umbrella from this shop across the street and…

SHE – And what? You still deciding on the colors?

ME – Na! I slipped while sprinting to this shop and..

SHE – And…? Did you break your back?

ME – No! It’s the knee!

-CHAN

To read other episodes of Conversations, click here. You could leave your feedback in the comment section below or write to me at passionophoria@gmail.com

Meat and Flesh – A Conversation

Conversations, Romantic, Story

She – Meat is non veg.!

Me – yeah! But you shouldn’t ignore the fact that I eat dead meat!

She – Dead meat?

Me – Of course! Meat is dead! Else it would be flesh. And I don’t eat flesh! So technically, I eat dead animals and I don’t kill one!

She – You have got the definition wrong, haven’t you?

He – What definition?

She – Meat is edible flesh! Chicken meat, pork meat, mutton meat! There is no human meat!

He – Oh! Come on! Cannibals would beg to differ! I mean, I am not a cannibal! I just eat the bird! No lamb, no pork! Just the bird! (Pause) And fish sometimes! But not from the aquarium, you know!

She – Who would eat fish from an aquarium?

Me – My cat would! But anyway my point is I am a non-vegetarian! And there’s nothing wrong about it!

She – Everything is wrong about it! Inflicting so much pain!

Me- Oh! Come on! Even plants have life! CV Raman has proved it in his experiment!

She – That was JC Bose!

Me – So what! Would a plant’s life become any less important, because JC Bose discovered it!

She didn’t speak for a while! May be, I had won the debate! The waiter arrived at our table and served our orders – Me, some fancy chicken dish and she? May be potato or paneer! What else a vegetarian would eat!

She – No.! Okay! Tell me one thing! Why does pain exist?

Me – Oh Please! I don’t want to discuss religion, philosophy and god!

She – No man.! The science question! Why does one feel pain, when he..

Me – Or she!

She – yeah ok! Why does one feel the pain, when he or she gets injured?

I thought for a while! The question didn’t make sense!

Me – It’s good as asking why a green leaf is green! (Pause) Oh. Wait! There’s a scientific reason why a green leaf is green! Absorbed components of light, reflected components of light and all that nonsense! But hey, the pain thing, I don’t think it has got any scientific reason!

She – Think about it! Cutting your hair or nails doesn’t hurt you! But anything happens to skin, eyes, or you know other body parts, you feel the pain!

I thought for a while.

Me -You know what! I had felt the same when I was in my kindergarten!

She – Good! Anyway, pain is the body’s inbuilt mechanism to alert you! To tell you that something wrong is happening to your body! If you let it continue, you might die! So do something about it!

Me – Well. This didn’t cross my mind when I was in kindergarten! Hey! Nice observation!

She – Thanks! So if you get injured, you might die because of the blood loss, so the pain! Heart attack, same thing! But cut your hair or nail! Your life is safe! So no alert!

Me – Oh! And what about tooth decay? Why does it hurt?

She- the infection could spread to the eye and then the brain and could kill you!

Me – Fever?

She – That’s a slightly different topic! Body temperature increases significantly to kill the foreign bodies! Anyways, the point is if you pluck the leaf, vegetables and fruits, that wouldn’t kill the plant! So, plants don’t feel the pain when we do that!

Me – Who gave this theory, JC Bose?

She – No.! Me!

Me – Then I can disprove it! Let me think of some examples!

We were done with the eating business and the waiter handed us the cheque!

Me – Hey! Tell me one thing!

She – What?

Me – Can losing money, kill you?

“No!” She laughed. “Why?” she asked.

“Because right now, I am feeling a strange sense of pain!” I said looking at the four figured sum on the bill!

-CHAN

To read other episodes of Conversations, click here. You could leave your feedback in the comment section below or write to me at passionophoria@gmail.com

The Vacation Plans – A Conversation

Conversations

She – Ah! That’s weird.!

Me – Weird as in good weird?

She – Bad weird! Every person wants to, you know run away from the routine. From the ecosystem they live in. Away from people they know, places they have been, sounds they have heard

Me – You might want to change that last statement!

She – Okay! Away from noise! To places filled with soft sounds..!

“Scarcely filled..!”, I offered a correction.

“Yes.. Scarcely filled! But the point is not that. The point is, you are telling me that you spend your vacation visiting market places! That’s bad weird”, she shrugged her shoulders.

Me – You don’t see my point! Life is not our loyal Butler. He doesn’t serve you with the best of the butter cakes!

She – Butter cakes? Eww..!

Me- Okay..! What cake do you like? Lemon pound cakes?

She – Plum cakes..!

Me – It has no butter?

She – No..! It has wine and plum..! I think we are moving away from the central discussion!

Me- Yeah.. We are. So yeah.. You see, life isn’t your loyal Butler. He doesn’t serve you with the best of the plum cakes. So you ought to train yourselves for the worst. So that when he serves you with the worst ones, you don’t have complains. And when he serves you with the delicious ones, you feel exhilarated

That was a beautiful explanation, I felt. I had offered a different perspective, a fascinating philosophy, a packet of wisdom, a capsule of happiness! Or at least I thought so.!

After five strides by the second hand of my tiny little watch, she spoke!

“You know what! That doesn’t make sense!”, She laughed.

I looked at her for a while.

“You know what! I think, even I have begun to feel the same, I said.

She was right! I had not served her with a fascinating philosophy, a packet of wisdom or a capsule of happiness! That was just a bucket load of nonsense!

-Chan

To read other episodes of Conversations, click here. You could leave your feedback in the comment section below or write to me at passionophoria@gmail.com